E,

I wish you would get out of my memory. Everything makes me think of you, and I can’t hate you, though I badly want to. My life is great now. I wish I knew how we will inevitably meet again, other than in my nightmares. Someday, soon, you’ll tell me about how life is, and we’ll both wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t pushed me too far, and I hadn’t refused you a millionth chance.

I hope I am trapped in your memories as much as you are in mine.

Let me know,
C.

C,

I love you. Always have, always will. Please pull your head outta your butt and realize life is too short to ignore the feelings we have for each other because some people don’t want us to be together. Please have the change of heart I pray for every night.

Love,
A

Dear B,

I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you. I was devastated when you ended our relationship. You were my life, my everything. I loved you with all of my heart and I still do. I will never stop loving you, as long as I live.

I guess what I want to know is if you love me still too. I want to know if you miss me at all. I just can’t help but feel like we are meant to be together. I know we fought about everything and it was constant fighting but I feel like that was because we were both under the stress of knowing I was going to graduate and go to college in less than a year. I really feel like we could make it work, without a doubt. Please just be honest with me and yourself… and really think about whether you miss me and/or still love me.

I feel like a part of me is missing without you. Part of me feels empty without you. “Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows. Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play. The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you. The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.” Nothing else says how I feel better than that.

You were my everything and it’s so hard to keep going knowing that you are not mine. I no longer have you to go to when I feel like nothing is going right. Just know that I will always consider you my best friend.

Love always,
J

I still get chills when you look at me, heck, when you enter the room. You try so hard not to make eye contact with me, but when you do I wonder if you feel the same way. This morning you walked by & I thought you could hear my heart beat out of my chest. What are you doing to me? Why do I feel this way?

You’re in the bathroom, taking a shower. Remember when we used to shower together?

I hear the water turn on & I want to come join you. There was a time when that was acceptable, but not now. I went into the other room just to be close to you, to hear the water splash off your body, to smell you. The water stopped and I heard the shower door.

Did you know that I was on the other side listening? I hoped you’d open the door & want me. You can’t. I can’t. I went back to the living room. You finished in the bathroom & came out to get dressed. I caught a peek of your nakedness. My heart raced. You quickly turned & closed the door.

I have to write these letters, because if I don’t, I just sit & cry thinking of all those things & not sharing them.

~ Me

Dear B_____,

I just remembered that one time at lunch, when you told me that you didn’t like hippies (or hipsters by extension).

”Fucking [west coast] hippies [from California],” you said. Something about them being nothing but middle-class rebels without a cause. Trying to propagate change by doing nothing. Well, I never told you this, but: My, aren’t you a dirty little hypocrite?, was my immediate response. You think you can change the way things are by doing nothing. The weed is your escape.

I think you’ve got the potential to be great. But in physics, we learned that potential energy is just there, waiting to be converted into kinetic energy…

So go ahead and keep smoking your pot. I just think it’s a shame that your greatness could be left unseen, amounting to nothing more than pipe dreams unless you decide to do something about it. I know I, for one, would like to see that greatness unleashed.

Sincerely,
S_____

Dear Best Friend,

I want you to know that no matter what I will love you forever. I realize we are two completely different people, but I must say some of my favorite things about you are the things that are the exact opposite of me.

I have also come to realize that you think you are better then me. I don’t know why. First it started when you found out about my sexual history. I respect your want to be a virgin till marriage and I’d never let a stupid boy change your mind. What you don’t understand is I have not slept with hundreds of guys, nor do I intend to.  I have made mistakes and regretted some of my sexual past. But on the other hand I know what amazing sex is. I know what it means to be with a man who wants to do nothing but please me and, most of all, I know what it means to make love. I have formed deep, loving relationships and had my heart broken. But I didn’t just love those people because I had sex with them. So please stop looking at me like I am a dirty whore.

Also when it comes to our education I am not really sure you know how hard I worked to get myself through college. Yeah I didn’t walk across a big stage or have my family congratulate me at my amazing accomplishment. I worked my ass off for 3 years trying to pay for everything, then I took my biology degree and joined the military. I bet you didn’t know my mom doesn’t even know I finished college. Maybe you are ignorant or oblivious to the fact that you have in fact scoffed at my state school because it will never measure up to your private school. Just so you know, I don’t really care what it says on my diploma because I know I worked for everything I have. I have let it slide before because I don’t think you realize when you are being mean, but I don’t really feel like making excuses for you anymore.

Your parents have always given you everything. Some days I am jealous and some days I am thankful that my parents kind of just suck at being parents. Sometimes your mom asks me if they give you kids too much and I tell her no that you never take it for granted and you appreciate everything you have. I am not so sure about that anymore. You don’t really understand what it means to pay bills. If your car breaks down, your parents will pay for it. If my car broke down, I just wouldn’t eat as much for the next 3 months. You think your mom calls too much, wants to see you too much, and is too involved in your life. You have no idea how lucky you are. I can’t even remember the last time my mom called me because she missed me and just wanted to hear my voice. And your dad is the most stand up guy I have ever met. I will always be jealous of him and his love for your and your siblings. You just think it’s so easy to forgive my mother for the things she has done, but you will never understand what it means to have your own parent emotionally destroy you.

I thought that I would also be able to let it go when you said things you had no idea hurt my feelings. I have for years because I know you have no intention of hurting me. Until now. You made comments about my job in the military, like it’s some horrible back up plan. As if people who have no other options in life join the military. Really?

You are a God-loving, private school graduate, a Republican, and you think that my job is worthless. Do you have any idea what it means to get up early every morning, work 16 hours a day at a job  that is not only physically but mentally draining? When I go to sleep at night I can be damn proud of the honest day’s work I do! Do you seriously not realize that the reason you get to worship the God you want, go to that stuck up private school of yours (even get to go to school), get a job, vote, or pretty much enjoy every freedom we have here is because of the military? Because people like me who risk our lives every day, spend months, even years away from our families so you have the privilege to enjoy the life you live?

So how dare you act like the military is a sad excuse for a life. I didn’t join the military to try and be a hero, I joined because I have spent years watching my peers be oblivious to what is going on in the world. I decided I could no long live in that ignorance. I know exactly how lucky we are to live here, and I will without a doubt put my ass on the line to defend what we have.

You can think what you want of me. I’ll happily take my $40,000 of student loan debt, my state school education, my half -ass family, oh, and the sex. But at least I’ll know when I am being a bitch, and I wont be too stuck up or oblivious to notice.

Like I said, I will love you no matter what, and you will always be my best friend. I just want you to realize that the words you say cut deep.

Love always,
Your Best Friend of 16 Years (who you have been through everything with)

P.S. - If your sister does join the Marines I hope you will realize how amazing she is for doing so.

Dear Fat-Ass Ex-Sister in Law,
 
Your half illiterate sympathy card on the anniversary of my daughter’s death wasn’t the most tasteless thing you’ve ever done, but very close. Don’t contact me ever again. I gave you up when I divorced your stoner brother and I left those dueling banjo days behind me.
 
If you can get one day out of the year where people pity you, you and your parents will take it and run with it. Post all over Facebook how sad you are that a baby died who, the other 364 days of the year, you swear wasn’t your brother’s. Why should you hillbilly fuckers care if it’s disrespecting the DEATH OF AN INNOCENT INFANT?

Fuck you and fuck your stupid hilljack drunkard parents and your too-stoned-to-mow-the-grass brother. Never in all of my life have I ever wanted to be as far away from someone as I want to be away from you and them. My life is great — no, sorry, my life is PERFECT without you morons mucking it up with the filth you spew from your incestuous mouths. If you ever try to have any contact with me again, I will not only destroy your horribly disfigured dick-nosed face (because, yes, darling, you’ve got the biggest one of the bunch) but I will so gleefully tell everyone about you and your “bubby” getting enemas from your daddy well into your teen years, amongst other dark secrets, such as fucking your cousin (but it was okay since you guys were only 11, right?) and having to find side jobs as children to buy food because your parents spent all their money/time on beer.

Feel blessed my daughter is dead. Or else you’d be tied to me forever and that wouldn’t be very fun now, would it? I promise you one day God will give you what you deserve. Not just in the form of a fake miscarriage but something much, much worse. And I might be the only one laughing, but I will be laughing so very hard.

Perhaps you should concentrate your energies to go buy another sports car or vacation or spend more money you and your poor husband do not have in attempts to try and prove to people you are better than the double-wide you were raised in.

— Your Ex-Sister in Law

On Sat, Mar 8, 2008 at 1:27 AM, [DELETED] wrote: 

Listen, you’re gonna go and you’re gonna like it.
I demand that you have a good time with me.

Dear Sis,

I know that you’ve felt your whole life like you’ve been wronged by my parents. But when I listen to your stories about your childhood, and their stories about you — you confirm everything they’ve told me. Time and again you’ve shown by your actions that you’re selfish and conniving.

Every time you saw me, you always had something different to say. I don’t wear the right clothes for my overweight body type, that I need to wear make-up to get men to notice me. That my quiet and shy attitude will get me nowhere in life.

Yet it was ME or my best friend that bought my parents food when you spent the grocery money on clothes, shoes, jewelry, perfume, and nights out on the town. It was ME who went to work to help get Christmas funds so we could all have Christmas. It was ME who held Mom when she cried, and kissed Dad in his despair. And it is STILL ME who is picking up the pieces while you live your perfect life.

It was NOT ME that convinced my parents to move and lose their home. It was NOT ME that caused my father to lose his job. It was NOT ME that grieved Dad so badly that he now lives in a state of continual confusion. It was NOT ME that slammed her hand down on the table to show off an engagement ring that a man gave her after she’d KNOWN him only 3 weeks. It is NOT ME who kicked the family out of the house and left us with nowhere to go. And it is NOT ME who calls the other members of the family to spread lies because she feels justified in her mistakes.

But let me tell you something….

It IS me who is getting a degree that will help me earn almost one hundred thousand dollars a year. And it IS me that will take care of our elderly parents. It IS me that will pamper Mom and Dad until they breathe their last, and when it is over, it is ME you’ll wish you could’ve been.

The good daughter who brought smiles instead of tears. Who loved instead of left. Who cared instead of being selfish. And never in my life had I hated anyone… until there was you.

I hope you rot, you selfish witch, for what you did to my poor parents. I never want to see your face again in my life. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a sister anymore. So I hope you’re happy with the family you chose. They are all you’ll ever have.

Sincerely,
Your ex-sister.

You told me once that, deep down, you believed you were an awful
person. I remember being surprised—about as surprised as I was when
you kissed me later that night—surprised that you could ever think
such a thing, when it was so evident to me, to everyone else, that
there was only love in your heart. It wasn’t until you hurt me that I
accepted that thought of yours, felt the same way, and hated myself for
it.

Endless, looping thoughts of pain and hatred and recurring
nightmares brought me to the point where I no longer understood my
initial surprise, where I could no longer see the beauty and joy in
your soul that had once been so clear to me.

I forgave you, sooner than I wanted to, later than I should have, and
still earlier than anyone expected. My fixation on you evaporated; I
was grateful and understood why some preach about the power of
forgiveness. While my wounds have healed, a scar remains; it prickles
my heart when I remember you exist. How am I to act around you?
You told me last night that you need me in your life, that my presence
forces you to remember what you once were, what you hope you could be.

Do I keep you away, a solitude enabled by a room and false smiles? Or
do I welcome you into my heart, into my arms to hold you with a warmth
you won’t forget, a warmth your soul can remember and heal itself? Do
I even have a warmth within? Should I tell you I love you? Would I
mean it?

If there’s a reason for everything, then we befriended each other so that we could be forced to ask ourselves again, “What is love?”, so that we could be forced to ask ourselves again, “What does it mean to have a beautiful soul?”

I look in your eyes and see these questions staring back at me; I hug you and feel these questions embrace me; I dream about you and know these questions won’t escape me.